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I look out my small window from my chair near the fireplace. Though the fire warms my old, tired body; fragile, yet not innocent, I still feel the cold as it whips around me. The cold taunts my isolation and loneliness away from the world. But I have placed myself here on purpose, for I do no longer wish to be a part of this world of joy, of love, of affection. I await death, as death awaits me.
And as I sit here, waiting- I watch as the world passes me by. I look out my window as the seasons pass. From Spring, to Summer, to Fall, to Winter, to Spring, to Summer- yet it stays Winter inside of me. Cold and bitter. I slowly arise from where I sit, and open my window, inviting the snow and sleet to come in. But as I turn back to my chair that calls out my name, it's worries from age and wisdom of my tiredness, I stop. Though I await death, I feel there is something else. Before I die, I must find something. A feeling turns my stomach. There's something out there- something I must do. And though chair is now shouting for me, screaming my name; begging for me to come, I change my mind. No. Instead I head toward the old wooden coat rack toward the door. Taking off my coat from it's hanger, I pull my arms through it's sleeves, and rest a black wool scarf on my neck. I hastily shove on my boots and clomp up to my oak wood door, placing my hand on the heated knob, turning it. The door opens with a loud creak, and a whoosh of snow blows at my face. I breathe in the cold air, fresh and new. Then, I let the air out slowly, watching as my breath adds to wind. Looking out into the wintery world, I step outside, one foot after another.
6/10/14 I smiled as my best friend Maddie told me the same joke she told me everyday.
“Hey Sam I Am, what’s the difference between a plum and an elephant?” she asked.
“Gee, Maddie, I have no idea” I replied, rolling my eyes
“Well, they’re both purple except for the elephant!”
Just to please her, as I always did, I dropped down on the floor, laughing. Suddenly, a tall man with black hair and green eyes stood before us.
“Time to go, Maddie- bear”, he spoke in a deep voice of amber. “You can see Sam later”
I waved goodbye as she skipped away, but her father stood still, his firm eyes blazing down on me. He kneeled down on both knees and looked straight into my eyes
“Thank you for being Maddie’s friend. You and I both know how hard it is for her and you really help her. She never acts around others like she does to you. Are you sure you don’t want any money, a toy, anything for doing this?”
I shook my head, trying to keep my burst of anger from spitting and the man. He lightly patted my shoulder and got up, walking away with his hands in his pockets.
I hated that man. How he treated me. It was if I wasn't truly Maddie’s friend. Just an act. A puppet being held by the strings; her father making me dance and play.
Maddie was a special girl. She very shy, which kept her from doing various activities or making friends. I was her only friend, and I needed to be there for her. But not because of some father who suddenly thinks I’m ‘acting’ as her friend.
Five minutes after they left, I stood up and brushed the grass off my jeans. As I looked up, a sudden wind blew in my face, and I watched the autumn leaves break away from trees and glide to the ground. I fixed my black wool scarf, and walked down the empty road, towards my house.
"How was the park, sweetie?" a voice called.
"Fine, mom" I replied.
I had just walked in and the warmth of my house gave me chills down my back. I hung up my blue coat and scarf. Looking up from the coat rack, I found a mirror with a reflection of myself staring back at me. I studied the reflection. I had messy hazelnut brown hair, and foggy gray eyes. My cheeks were slightly pink as I had just been in the cold. I wasn't tall, but I wasn't short. "Just the right height" my mother would say.
My mind snapped back to life as I remembered my mom was still here.
"How was your day?" I called to her.
"Thanks for asking! It was great! I got a lot done! Mostly errands, but y'know, it all adds up" she hollered back.
7/6/14 I clomped up the stairs and into my bedroom, falling on my back on the bed, breathing out a heavy sigh.
I looked up at my ceiling, which would seem boring to most people as their ceiling would either be a popcorn ceiling or plain white, but my ceiling was different. When my parents and I first moved into this house, my mom said I could paint the ceiling what ever color I wanted it to be. I had decided to paint a sky. As I looked up at the ceiling of blue, small puffs of clouds filled some areas of my sky, along with a huge blazing, yellow sun. Where I had painted my sun, my father had helped me insert a very bright yellow light bulb, and the sun truly did shine in my room. But I also had a secret of this amazing ceiling.
I slowly sat up, and reached my hand out towards the light switch near my bedside. flicking the switch downward, the room grew dim, and a thousand stars filled the room. Over the summer, I had recently added glow in the dark stars to my ceiling, with a huge glow in the dark moon. At night I could sleep in the clouds, looking up my the beautiful night-time sky I had created. I fell over on my bed again, a whoosh of air escaping my lips. I slowly closed my eyes, each little star turning off, until my eyes were completely closed.
7/18/14 I was running through a forest, watching the breath fog as I ran. Looking back, wolves were chasing me- a whole pack of them. Suddenly, I tripped on something and fell over. Getting up quickly, I noticed that I had fallen over a piece of string. I picked up the sting, then yanked it. A twinge of pain flowed through my foot, and I saw that the string was attached to me. I looked over myself. Both of my hands and feet were held by clear strings. The wolves were gaining on me. Abruptly, and without warning, my body went limp. As I just laid there, a look of horror on my face, I was suddenly jerked up. My hands and feet now terribly hurt, but I just kept getting jerked up and down with the strings. I bounced around, my arms flailing aimlessly. The wolves were at my feet, but the strings held me in mid air, just out of their reach. They yelped a cry of loss, jumping at my heels. But it was not over yet. Now that my life was literally held by the strings, which now made my hands and feet unbearably hot with pain, something glowing fell down from the sky. My stars! Thousands of neon green, glow in the dark stars fell from the clouds. The wolves saw them and fled, knowing their lives were in danger. Well, so was mine! The strings hurt so bad that I could no longer feel the pain, and my body grew numb. Giant stars of plastic rained down on me, and I was held there, suspended in mid air.
I woke up, pain throbbing through my sore head, yet it had been nothing but a dream. I sat up on my bed, thinking about the strange things I had dreamed.
I looked down at my feet where I was pleasantly surprised to see my cat, Sherlock, gazing up at me. His soft green looked up at me with concern. He jumped up on my bed, his deep black fur rubbing against my hand. Shortly after, a tumbling kitten the color of a peachy lemon chiffon followed Sherlock, and jumped on the bed with me. Of course as I had named my first cat Sherlock, and my new kitten happened lemon chiffon, I had named her Watson, though she was a girl.
I had actually gotten Watson from Maddie, as she was allergic to cats, and had received her as a gift, Watson was re gifted to me, which I gladly took her in.
7/23/14 "Sam!” my mother called from downstairs.
I ran out of my room in a sudden rush, almost falling down the stairs with my large black baggage, to where she stood before me.
“Well, Sam, it’s about that time” she spoke softly, kissing my forehead.
The car ride was painfully silent, and I swear I saw tears in my mother’s eyes.
“Are you excited to go to your grandparent's house for two weeks, sweetie?” she asked.
"Yes!” I replied, “I haven’t seen them in a year”
Before we knew it, we had reached the airport. My mom and I sat I the Blue waiting chairs in gate 23. The plane to Michigan. Though my mom would miss me, I tortured her during the wait, interrupting her Sudoku book for her attention.
“Mom, what’s the symbol for this word? the picture is too confusing.” I asked
She gently put her book down, first with a look of annoyance on her face, then a smile, looking down on the picture I was pointing at in my sign language book. Make a fist with both hands, and crossing them she did the sign for love.
“I love you” she said, repeating the symbol with her hands.
“I love you too, mom”
“It’s nice that your learning sign language” my mom said with a sweet smile, “Your grandfather is nearly deaf.” ©